Praying for God to speak through us...

Well today was an interesting morning. Jennifer didn't have any readers, so we've each had a turn to sleep in for an extra hour one time in the past week/2 weeks. Me and Katie headed to the church in a good mood and excited for our readers today. My first two are 2 of the better english speakers, so I knew I wouldn't have too much difficulty. My first reader, Mabel, is a middle aged woman, probably in her mid 50's, and has several children. Her english is pretty good, and she has talked to me some about her kids and how she worries for them since they aren't very religious. I try to comfort her saying that sometimes as teenagers (since I was one for quite a few years), we hear what our parents tell us and know that they are most likely right, but we don't want to obey them or agree with what they say just to annoy them or rebel against them. I know that I didn't appreciate the way my parents brought me up until just a few years ago. I try to comfort her by using the famous saying in English that sometimes it takes "distance (since I have been in college now for 2 years) to make the heart grow fonder". I know in my case that is very true. My parents are now 2 of my best friends. I know I don't tell them how much I appreciate what they did for me, and especially all they sacrificed, but I thank God for putting me in such a loving, Christian home.

Mabel and I were in the part of Luke where Jesus tells the parable of the men who owned the banker money. While one owed 500 coins, the other only owed 50. When the banker tells them that they don't have to pay, Jesus uses this as an example to show how all sins are the same in God's eyes. "Which one loved the banker more?" is a question we have for our readers in the LST workbook. Most people see why the one who owed 500 coins loved the banker more, because obviously his debt was greater, but it is more difficult for them to see the underlying reason Jesus uses this example the first time we read through the story.

Well then Mabel and I start to talk about forgiveness, and after we translate a few words, she asks me why God forgives all sins. Of course my obvious thought is that all sins are the same in God's eyes. Although while I believe this wholeheartedly, I can easily say I didn't see her next question coming. She then proceeded to write down a word in spanish, and then she turned her book around for me to read it. Violacion. Rape. I immediately think... "great... my favorite subject". Rape for me is my worst nightmare. I know this is something that usually isn't discussed, but it is now something that frequently happens in our world, and therefore I believe it should be discussed and acknowledged. I look at her, take a deep breath, and say "I know."

It was like we had ESP or something, because we knew what each other were thinking. Especially for women, this is something to be feared. The fact that men or even women today can take something so precious from you is really scary. Mabel went on to say that she thinks something like this is "imperdonable", or unforgiveable. Because I am human, and a woman at that, I agree with Mabel. Something like this to me is unforgiveable. It is literally in my mind the worst thing someone can do next to murder. I maybe could even think that rape is worse than murder. But what to tell this woman? Mabel believes in God, and as far as I can tell has a really good faith. I want to encourage her to trust God in this sense, but something about this conversation tells me this is something personal to her. She then goes on to ask me to forget explaining that to her, but how would I explain this to a CHILD.

WOW. I mean... seriously... what a great question. Something I wish I was wise enough to tell her how I would go about doing that, because I wouldn't know where to begin. I look at her and decide the best way to be with her is honest. I tell her I have no idea how I could explain to a child that they should forgive the person if they ask for their forgiveness. Or how someone can be released from jail after good behavior or whatever when they raped a child (or anyone at that matter). At that moment all I could do was pray to God to speak through me. I was lost for words as far as I knew, and already trying to fight through the language barrier.

Finally I took a deep breath, and then I told her the only thing that I could think of. It's not our decision. We don't have that power to judge. We may have the earthly power to judge someone, but in the end it is God who has the ultimate power to judge someone's heart. Only he knows the intermost depth of someone's soul, and whether or not they are truly sorry for what they do. At that moment I confessed to Mabel that I was only human, and my love ended at rape. I told her that if this happened to me or my children, all I could do was hate that person. I could fight the temptation to hate them, but in the end I believe it would overcome me, and that it could only be God or the Holy Spirit working through my heart for me to actually forgive a person for wronging me or my family in that way. She seemed to follow me, and I tried to explain that the enormity of God's love is just too big to understand for we mere humans. We can only love or hate as much as any other human, but it is God who can love even the ugliest of hearts.

All I know to do at this point is pray for her and hope that God can heal her heart. I know of nothing else to say or do, but encourage her to think that if Jesus can forgive us all for ALL of our sins combined, I must too be able to forgive one person or a few people for the wrongdoings they have done on my behalf.

I ask that you all pray for me, Katie and Jennifer. As the lessons continue, the questions are only more difficult and they are only going to become deeper questions that even I still ponder. Pray that we can be a light to these people here in Buenos Aires, and that they can see a glimpse of the Holy Spirit working within us.

Ciao-
Annie